I have been saved, thank you jesus.
The usual hot cleanse. This time not so punishing and self inflicting. Innocent and accepting, ready to open my consciousness and release this force I hold onto for uninvited negative comfort.
Reflecting and self medicated I put on my best smile.
Reflecting. Hours, days, years…my life. Laying in this bath soothed by something that triggers those defective growths that have been removed but are deep rooted within my soul. Making me who it is I am today, whatever that is. It is growing, just like my energy.
I know I never cared and I know I never loved you.
For reasons unknown the dark influence that weighs me down tells me that this had to be done. One can not find light underground…until they find a window. Then they have a choice. To escape.
As comforting as the dark is to me it is so estranged and will never shut up.
I just want to sink. Fall into the depths of this container.
Accepted and limp.
My bust no longer howls. I can sleep. For the first time, I sleep.
Bored and normal.
I pour my wine into my filth.
I see a glimpse of what could have been.
It flows like blood. A ribbon around my thighs. A beautiful dream.
So accepted and now forgotten.
Blank canvas awaits me…No need to finish the unfinished I am ready for the new.